"Mommy,
I want that one and that one and that one," Little Lisa said, pointing one
after another to a succession of Barbie's lined up among what seemed like
hundreds of other dolls on display in the toy section of Target.
God, thought Megan, Little Lisa's
mom, I really should have thought this through a little better.
She'd come in with her daughter to
warm up, not buy anything. But here it was nearly Christmas and the store was
packed with shoppers, all vying for the latest and greatest gifts for Johnny
and Susie, and the most perfect present in the world for whomever and it was becoming
overwhelming. Man... All she'd wanted to do was to kill a little time and shake
off some of that bone-chilling Minnesota cold, but her little girl had pleaded
and pleaded to look at toys and, against her better judgment, Megan had given
in thinking that maybe just a little peak wouldn't hurt. Yeah, right, she was
now thinking, watching Little Lisa gently caress one plastic package after
another. Chalk that up to one more major league bad decision. They say you live
and learn, she thought, and if that's the case, I should be a genius.
Megan took off her glasses and
rubbed her tired eyes. Then she put them back on, knelt down and turned her
daughter to face her. "No, honey," she said softly but firmly, and
could actually hear the strain of trying to sound patient in her voice,
"Not right now, Ok?" Little Lisa gazed at her mom with big almond
colored eyes, silently pleading, but too well behaved to complain out loud.
Megan felt a tug in her heart and forced herself to push past her exhaustion,
wishing things didn't have to be the way they were. Then she had a thought,
"Maybe you'll get one for Christmas," she said and forced a tired
smile for her daughter who immediately responded by clapping her hands and
jumping up and down, causing a few shoppers to glance in their direction and
frown. "If you're good that is," she added, trying to appear cheerful
and positive, but it was hard. She didn't believe in filling her child's head
with any of that crap about Santa Claus and elves and red-nosed reindeer that
flew around the world delivering presents, and all those other fantasies most
people fed their children at this time of year. What good could it possibly do?
Life was hard enough as it was, so why make it worse by encouraging her daughter
with false hope? But, in the same breath, it was difficult for her, as a
mother, to be cold hearted and not feel for her little five year old. After
all, Little Lisa was all she had and it wasn't her fault they lived in an old
car and money was tight.
"We'll talk more about it when
we get home."
That stopped her little girl right
there. All around them holiday shoppers were rushing past, most with kids
yelling and pointing and pleading, some even on the verge of tears. Parents,
their tolerance meter red-lining, were doing their best not to lose control and
freak out right there in aisle seventeen, the one packed with stacks of Star
Wars Lego's, Doc McStuffins characters, Peanuts figures, Barbie dolls and every
other kind of kids toy and game you could possibly imagine for the under ten
crowd. Megan loosened her scarf and unbuttoned her worn wool coat. For the
first time in what seemed like days she was hot. She was getting dizzy, too,
probably from lack of food. But she wasn't in bad enough shape not to have heard
her little girl say with her eyes wide open, "Home, Mommy. Really? We're
going to go home?"
Megan cursed herself for her slip
up. Damn. This wasn't the time nor the place to shatter her daughter's world.
It was the Christmas season, for god's sake. "No, not tonight, Sweetheart,
but maybe someday." she said, giving the little girl a hug. But no, they
weren't going home. That was a given. They had no home to go to.
Like water rolling off her back,
Little Lisa shrugged her tiny shoulders, said, "Ok," and turned back
to the massive display of toys, lost in her fantasy world of Barbie's and Kens.
Happy to have dodged that bullet,
Megan stood up, keeping a watchful eye on her daughter. Little Lisa was
transfixed by the lure and enticement of the never ending rows of Barbie's
dressed this way and that: getting ready to ride a motorcycle or a skateboard,
or go to a prom, or go shopping, or simply to hang out dressed to the nine's
just to have a luncheon with other Barbie's that looked exactly the same. She
couldn't believe that her daughter loved those stupid dolls. Especially that
Barbie Rainbow Mermaid, which was just what it's name implied - a long haired, blond
(of course) Barbie with a mermaid tail, and a body of colorful bright rainbow
hues of pink, lavender, yellow, orange and red. It even had glitter on it. How
her daughter could be attracted to something like that Megan had no clue. Little
Lisa was olive skinned with dark, almost black, straight hair that Megan cut in
a modified page-boy, just to make it easier to clean and care for.
In fact, everything Megan did was
centered around making life as easy for them as possible. Living in a car
wasn't the most desirable of living conditions, that was for sure, but it was
all they had, so they had to make the best of things. The thirty one year old
Ford Hatchback had been their home since June; ever since she had left that
idiot, violent boyfriend of the last ten months for her own safety as well as
that of her daughter. Best move she'd ever made.
She was briefly congratulating
herself on taking that drastic, but oh so necessary action, when she had an
idea."Little Lisa, come with me," Megan said with a burst of energy
and enthusiasm, gently tugging her daughter away from the display.
"No, Momma," Little Lisa's
quiet pleading (rare for her) caused some of the other mothers to look quickly
at the two of them and then, just as quickly, look away.
Megan saw it. Maybe one or two were
possibly sympathetic, but most, she could tell, were happy to see the two of them
leave. Megan got it. She knew what they looked like and she hated the term, but
there it was: street people. Bums. Homeless. Whatever. Maybe they all applied,
but that didn't mean Megan had to accept it. She was trying her best. She
really was.
She had a job, for one thing, working at MacDonald's
on Lake Street in the Uptown area of Minneapolis. And she had a place to sleep
at night, even if it was in their old car parked in a big box store parking lot
out in Minnetonka. There were gas station restrooms all over the Minneapolis
metro area that she used to sponge the two of them off, brush their teeth and
wash their hair. When all else failed, there was always one of the shelters in
downtown Minneapolis where she could spend the night and get a meal. It wasn't
the best world, but they were out of the horror of Darren's escalating drug
use, temper tantrums and physical assaults and that was the main thing. They
might be poor, but they were safe. At least for today. Tonight she worked.
Tomorrow would take care of itself.
Her heart warmed and suddenly went
out to her little girl. "Come on, kiddo," she said gently, kneeling
down and giving her a hug. Then she stood to leave, but before they did she had
one thing left to do. She quickly looked both ways. All the other shoppers had
turned away trying to ignore them, probably in embarrassment for them, and for
a brief moment no one was watching. With practiced stealth she picked one of the
Barbie Mermaids and stuck it in her oversized shoulder bag. It took a second at
most. Little Lisa didn't even catch it - Megan was that good and that fast. Done
and done, she smiled to herself. My little girl deserves something special.
"Let's go look at Christmas
lights," she said cheerfully and took her daughter by the hand as they
made their way into one of the extra wide aisles which was even more packed and
crowded than the toy aisle. Megan congratulated herself at the idea she'd had, "Come
along now, Sweetie, we've got some decorating to do."
"For our new home, Mommy?"
Little Lisa asked, Barbie's now forgotten, clapping her hands and actually
skipping as she walked next to her mother.
Megan ignored the question, but
could no longer contain her smile, "It's a surprise, Honey," she
said, affectionately, bending to hug her daughter with one arm as they walked,
"You'll see."
"Oh, goodie, goodie,"
Little Lisa giggled, and she took hold of her mother's hand tightly, barely
able to contain her excitement.
Off they went then, winding their
way through the ever growing crush of the crowds of holiday shoppers and
eventually all the way to the other side of the store - the side where it
seemed like every possible Christmas decoration in the world was on display,
ready to adorn festive homes with the joy of the holidays and the spirit of the
season. For those who could afford it, at least.
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