Silent Night

Ralph Kaczynski had been a salvation army bell ringer for seventeen years and was by far and away the coldest and the snowiest winter he could ever recall. In spite of wearing long underwear, jeans, two sweaters, three pair of socks, heavy boots and a thick, insulated snowmobile suit, he was still cold. It didn't help that standing outside the huge big box store was a lesson in the both the good and the bad in humanity. Mostly the bad. People hurrying and yelling at each other, shoving and pushing...Man, talk about lack of good will toward mankind. He stole a quick glance at his wristwatch. Nine forty-five. Only fifteen minutes to go until the store closed. Then Christmas Eve tomorrow, and then he was done until next year. Thank god. It'd take him until July to thaw out.

            Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, he saw a commotion near the exit. A young woman was arguing with one of the security guards. He recognized her. She and her daughter had been frequent visitors since Thanksgiving, and he'd occasionally wondered what they'd been doing, so much time in the store like the did. They rarely left with any packages, anything he could see anyway. Hmm. Shop lifters, maybe? There'd been a rash of them this season.

            Suddenly the little girl, she must have been six years old or so, stepped away from her mother. She looked Ralph right in the eye, smiled a friendly smile and skipped across the slushy sidewalk toward him, going too fast in his estimation. "Watch out," he called out  above the noisy throng of shoppers. "It's slippery."

            She tried to slow down, but slipped and fell down hard anyway. "Oww," She said quietly as she slid along the sidewalk right up next to him.

            Ralph's heart immediately went out to the little girl. With her pink stocking cap and unicorn themed snow jacket, she reminded him of his daughter when she was that age. He bent down, "Here, honey, let me help you." Her mother was still preoccupied with the security guard. "Are you okay?"

            "I'm okay, mister," she said, wiping the slush off her tights. "It doesn't hurt too bad."

            He lifted the little girl to her feet and made sure was uninjured. He glanced back just as the security guard waved the mother away. She hurried over, saying to Ralph, "Thank you so much, sir." Then she knelt down next to her daughter, "Are you okay, Lisa? I told you to be more careful."

            The little girl's tights were torn at the knee, but she only had a small scrap, a tiny amount of blood. "I'm okay, mommy, really. This nice man helped me."

            Ralph was suddenly embarrassed. "It was nothing. She's a tough little girl."

            What was he talking about. He didn't know anything about her, but the little girl, this Lisa, had a way about her, a presence almost. He had to ask, just to be polite, because, after all, it was the holiday season, "Do you want anything special for Christmas, honey? A doll or something?"

            The little girl shocked him. "No. Not really."

            "Are you sure? Nothing at all?"

            The little girl thought hard for a moment and then said, "Well, what I'd really like is to sing a Christmas carol."

            "A Christmas carol?"

            "Yes, please. Right here." Ralph couldn't believe how polite the little girl was.

            "She didn't get to sing in the school concert this year," her mother added. "I had to work so I kept her with me."

            There was something about the two of them that Ralph found endearing.

            He put his bell aside and said, "You know. I'm not sure if it's against regulations or not, but to heck with it. You go right ahead, young lady. Sing any song you want."

            Lisa beamed a bright smile and took a moment to compose herself. Then she stood up straight and tall and starting singing "Silent Night". Her voice was quiet at first and the song hardly recognizable, but by the time she gotten to "Sleep in heavenly peace," she had found her confidence and passion, and her voice rang out loud and clear into the cold night air. Soon, a small crowd formed around the little singer, some even humming or singing along themselves. Ralph stood off to the side with Lisa's mother, watching, enjoying a bit of Christmas magic right there on the sidewalk of a big box store.

            When she was done with her song, the crowd applauded and asked for more. With a nod from Ralph she sang, "Joy To The World," and even the bell ringer, old curmudgeon that he was, felt a tear form in his eye.

            While her daughter sang, Meg, went through her mental checklist. Get Lisa into bed, snug and secure. Make sure the doors were locked. Make sure their extra blankets were handy because it was going to be cold tonight. Get to work tomorrow by nine in the morning for a full six hour day. Then back to the parking lot for the night, Christmas Eve.

            Meg considered herself lucky because she had a car to call home and a place for her and Lisa to sleep. Others weren't so fortunate. But it almost had all gone down the drain when that security guard had gotten in her face, telling her she had to move on and couldn't park there overnight. She had to remind him that she could, that the owners of the store had agreed to let ten cars park there for the winter and she was one of them, one of the homeless finding a place to live in the big box store parking lot.

            Finally he'd agreed, saying, threatening, "Well, you better watch yourself. No drugs or alcohol or anything like that."

            No problem. Meg told him, "Look, it's just me and my daughter. You've got nothing to worry about."

            He didn't either. Lance, her former boyfriend and Lisa's father, had no idea where they were and that was the way she wanted it. He was a drunk and was physically abusive to her, and she needed to stay away from him for the sake of herself and Lisa.

            When Lisa was done singing she ran over, "Mommy, Mommy, did you like them? Did you like my songs?"

            Meg smiled, "I did very much, sweetheart. You did really good." She turned to Ralph, "Thank you so much.

            He suddenly had a thought, "You know, tomorrow's Christmas Eve. I'll be here from four until six, closing. Maybe Lisa would like to come and sing. I'd like it and I think the crowds would, too."

            Meg thought for a moment. Why not? "What do you think, Lisa? Would you like to sing some more tomorrow?"

            "I would, Mommy, I really would."

            "Well, you heard her. I guess we'll be back."

            Ralph smiled, "Good. Great. See you then."

            "Okay. Right. See you tomorrow." The three of them all waved good-bye.

            The snow was starting to fall as Meg and Lisa made their way to the far corner of the parking lot to their car. They got in the backseat and spent a few minutes wrapping themselves in blankets for the night, then curled up together for warmth.

            Just before she fell asleep, Lisa spoke, "Mommy?"

            "What sweetheart?"

            "Am I really going to be able to sing tomorrow?"

            "Yes, you can. If you want to."

            "Oh, I do. I do."

            "Well, then you can."

            "Thank you Mommy."

            "Don't thank me, thank the nice man. Ralph."

            "I will tomorrow. Okay?"

            "Okay. Now, good night."

            "Good night. And Mommy?"

            "What, sweetie?"

            "If I can sing tomorrow, it's going to make it my best Christmas ever."

            Meg snuggled in close to her daughter. It was so peaceful and quiet she could hear the snowflakes settling on the roof of the car. A silent night. They were safe from Lance. They had a roof over their heads and she had a job. Most importantly, she and Lisa were together. Things could be a lot worse. "Mine, too," she said, hugging her little girl tight, "My best Christmas ever."                                    

           

Twas The Night Before Christmas

With five year old Stacy and three year old Dale nestled snug under the covers beside him, Peter was the happiest he'd been in months. He opened his treasured book, one passed down from his grandmother to his mom and then to him, and began to read, his voice quiet as a whisper, drawing his young ones in, "Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse..."

            By the time he'd finished, both children were asleep, breathing restfully, visions, Peter hoped, of sugar plums dancing in their heads. He smiled to himself. Why not? It was Christmas Eve, as good a time for magical thoughts as any. He tucked them in under their warm covers and, before turning out the light, paused at the doorway, taking a long moment watching his two little sleepy heads. Worn out from seeing Dad, he joked to himself, hoping it was true. It was. Just ask Lyn, his wife. She'd say that their children adored their father and missed him terribly while he was away getting his treatments. Then she'd get a little teary eyed, her strength wavering ever so slightly before returning, knowing there were still more long days to come.

            After turning out the bedroom light, Peter made his way to the stairway and began to descend, step by cautious step, holding onto the handrail with what little strength he had. From the living room, Lyn saw him and hurried to help. "Here, Sweetheart, lean on me. We'll go slow. We can rest together on the couch."

            He smiled, grateful for everything about her, "That'd be perfect."

            It took a few minutes before they were finally curled up together under the wool afghan Lyn had knit when they were first married, seven years earlier. The room was a peaceful sanctuary, with Christmas music playing so quietly in the background one had to strain to hear a choir singing ”Silent Night". Lyn had turned off all the lights except for the warm glow from the Christmas tree. It was lit with white twinkling lights, and decorated with a myriad of colored glass ornaments and handmade decorations, accented with at least five strands of popcorn and cranberries. The family had decorated it that afternoon when Peter had come home from the hospital on a twenty-four hour pass.   

            Lyn put her head on his shoulder. "Isn't the tree beautiful?"

            "It's our best tree ever," he smiled, putting a thin arm around her and holding her tight.

            He liked that Lyn was willing to put aside what was really happening with his disease, at least for tonight. Tonight he had a break from his treatments. Tonight he could be home with his family and enjoy a moment of comfort and repose before leaving tomorrow to go back to the hospital to continue his battle. There was so much he wanted to tell her, but he was getting tired so he said only what he needed to say, "Lyn, I love you so much. You mean the world to me."    

            It was all Lyn needed to hear. She kissed him gently. "I love you, too, Peter. Forever and always."

            He kissed her in return. Their undying affection for each other carrying them through these most challenging of times.

They must have fallen asleep. A rustle on the stairway caused Peter to awaken. He turned to see his children, standing patiently, so young and so innocent, dressed in their red flannel pajamas. Stacy was holding a book, and Peter could see it was the one he'd read to them earlier.

            "Daddy, could you read to us again?" She asked, her tiny voice music to his ears.

            "Please, Daddy, please," Dale chimed in.

            Their voices woke Lyn. "The kids want me to read again," Peter said to her, sitting up and stretching. "I know it's late, but is it all right with you?"

            Lyn didn't have to think. "Absolutely. But first, "she said,  getting to her feet, "How about if I fix us a plate of ginger cookies and some milk for a little treat. How would everyone like that?

            Three heads nodded enthusiastically, and all was well for them on this Christmas Eve, the world held at bay for a little while longer.

            Later, the family snuggled together on the couch under the warm afghan, leftover cookies within easy reach. Peter began the story, wondering as he read if this would be the last time he'd be able to do this, read to his family like he was. Then he put the thought out of his mind. Quit thinking like that, he admonished himself. He had to stay positive. He had to believe that he'd be with his wife and children next year. After all, who else could read Twas the Night Before Christmas to his children like he could? No one.

            "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night," he said, when he reached the end of the story, but not before adlibbing a hearty, "Ho, ho, ho," making the kids giggle and Lyn smile.

            Then he closed the book and wrapped his arms around his wife and children and hugged his family all together as tightly as he could. Until next year, he whispered to himself. Until next year.

Home Is Where The Heart Is - Part III

Megan's shift at MacDonald's ended at eleven. The night manager, Kevin, a skinny white guy around thirty with a bad complexion and a pleasant disposition had a philosophy that Megan liked: he didn't mind if Little Lisa stayed while she worked. 'I don't mind at all,' he told Megan four months earlier when she'd been hired, 'Just don't let her bother the customers.' And Little Lisa never did. In fact, she kind of grew on all the employees, especially Kevin.

             One thing the little girl was good at, and that was entertaining herself. Tonight she colored an old 'My Little Pony' coloring book someone had left next to the trash bin using some crayons Kevin had bought and kept for her back in his office. When Megan found the book and brought it to Little Lisa (along with Kevin's crayons) it was like someone had given both of them a fancy present, reminding Megan for the millionth time that when you didn't have much, every little thing was important, seen almost as a gift, and nothing, not even someone else's trash, was ever taken for granted.

            When her shift was over, Megan and Little Lisa were bundling up, getting ready to head outside when Kevin ran up and stopped them. "Hey you two, don't forget your dinner." He handed a sack to Megan. After every shift Kevin gave them each a free Full Meal Deal. He knelt down so he was eye level with Little Lisa, "And I've got yours all special for you, just the way you like it: six chicken nuggets with no sauce, small fries, apple slices and chocolate milk."

            He really was a nice guy.

            "Thank you, Kevin," Little Lisa said politely, holding her meal tightly to her chest.

             "See you tomorrow," Kev, Megan said.

            "Yep," he mock saluted, "Until then...stay warm and don't take any wooden nickels." Megan rolled her eyes at him, appreciating his attempt at humor. Then he turned and went back behind the counter to check on the remaining two helpers. They stayed open until 2am and he had a long three hours ahead of him.

            "What did he mean by that, Mommy?" Little Lisa asked as they made their way to their car. The snow had quit falling, but there was maybe three inches on the ground and on her car.

            "He was just kidding, Sweetie," she said, getting the little girl settled in her car seat before setting to work sweeping off her car. It took her about five minutes. She was diligent and careful to get it all removed so she could see clearly. When she was finished she got in, buckled up and started the car. They chatted together for a few minutes, eating their dinners while the car warmed up. When they were finished they dumped their leftover paper and wrappers in a trash can and then pulled out of the parking lot, sliding a little where the snow had compacted. At times like these Megan was conscious of every move she made - from making sure not to fall down and injure herself when walking on icy snow, to being watchful and careful with her driving - everything she could to be conscientious and safe and not do anything that might jeopardize the tenuous hold she had on her life with her daughter. A stay in the hospital or medical bills was something they could ill afford.

            The drive from Minneapolis out Highway Seven west to Minnetonka took forty-five minutes; nearly twice as long as normal due to the snow clogging up the roads, slowing the late night traffic to a crawl. The big box store they were heading for closed at midnight and they barely made it in time to rush inside and make their way quickly to the women's room where they washed up and brushed their teeth. Then they bundled up and headed back outside. The temperature was dropping and the cold was settling in. It might even dip into the single digits overnight. Megan shivered and held Little Lisa's mittened hand tightly.

            She had parked the car way off to the side, half way from the store out to the service road that ran along the far end of the parking lot. She was able to spend the night because the store had instituted a policy a few years ago of letting people similar to her situation park their cars overnight as long as they were gone by six in the morning . And also, most importantly, as long as no one caused any trouble they were welcome to come back. For Megan, it was exactly what she needed. In the five months she'd been staying at the lot no one had ever caused her or anybody else any trouble. In fact, it was just the opposite. More than anything, she was finding that homeless people like her mostly just wanted to be left alone. During warm weather there might be up to fifteen cars scattered around, each leaving as much space as possible between themselves and the nearest vehicle. However, with the onset of winter and freezing temperatures, the number of vehicles had dwindled to maybe three a night at the most. Tonight, it looked like Megan's old Ford would be the only vehicle there.

            "Come on, honey," Megan said, reaching the car and opening the front door, "Let's get you settled."

            Little Lisa knew the routine well: she climbed into the passenger side while her mom went around and opened the back hatch where the few belongings they owned were stored (mostly clothes stowed in a single Tupperware container). She grabbed their blankets for the night and then went around to the front driver's side where she climbed in, securing and locking their doors. Then she pulled up the latch that let the seat slide back as far as possible. She had learned through trial and error that sleeping in the front seat was roomier and easier on both of them, especially in the winter, where they could take advantage of the car's heater if they ever needed to. But running the Ford at night cost money, so they rarely did.

            Megan helped Little Lisa get settled in. She took off her snow boots and set them on the floor in the back. Then she pulled an extra thick pair of wool socks over her feet, rubbing her toes and joking with the little girl, making her laugh. Megan always felt it was a good way to go to sleep - with the sound of her daughter's laugher in the car, drowning out any depressed feelings they might have about their living situation. Then she put her in a snowsuit and a kid's sized sleeping bag  before finally putting 'Lambie' her favorite stocking hat on her head and wrapped a scarf around her neck and face. Then she covered her up with a thick quilt she had bought at a Dollar Store just after Thanksgiving. By morning the temperature in the car would be the same as outside, and although it would be cold, at least wrapped up like she was, Little Lisa would be warm.

            When Megan was satisfied her daughter was all set, they did their final bedtime ritual. "Do you want me to read you a story?"

            "Yes, Mommy, yes," Little Lisa exclaimed, her breath showing as she spoke. It was already getting cold in the car. "Can you read me about Elsa and Anna?" Little Lisa was hooked on 'Frozen' and anything having to do with their characters would be sure to bring her joy. This book was a favorite.

            "Yes I can, Sweetheart," her mother said, reaching under the seat for the book and taking it out of the large zip-loc she kept it in for protection. The lighting from the parking lot flood lights gave her enough light to read by. She began the story, watching her daughter's eyes go from excited to heavy almost immediately. It had been a long day. After a few minutes her face relaxed, her breathing deepened and she soon fell into a peaceful sleep, transported by the story to a world of fantasy far away from the one in which she was living.

Nacho Cheese Doritos

A little bit of heaven right here on earth, that's what it was, my love for Doritos, specifically Nacho Cheese. But that little bit of heaven came crashing down hard the day doctor Anderson gave me the test results.

            "Sorry, Jay, it's bad news. You've got celiac sprue, a gluten intolerance. You can't have any of that stuff you like to eat, especially Doritos. You've got to quit right now or they could kill you." He shook his head, commiserating with me. "Maybe try, I don't know, raisins?"

            Well, shit. From heaven to hell in the blink of an eye. It was the last thing I wanted to hear, however I had no desire to die, so I did as he asked. I even tried the raisins, but they didn't hold a candle to my treasured Doritos. In short, I did my best.

            Until recently.

            I'd been Dorito free for nearly five years, doing a good job keeping my craving at bay. Had I been tempted at times? Sure, lots. But I'd stayed the course, diligently following my doctor's orders, being a good boy. Or did, that was, until I unfortunately came across a stray bag in the back of an old stash cupboard in the garage. Bam! An explosion of overwhelming desire for those chips returned with such unexpected force, it almost brought me to my knees. The effect was immediate. I tried to turn away but couldn't, drawn as I was to that red bag of crunchy goodness and cheesy delight. Oh, no, I silently screamed, don't give in. I tried to hold fast, but couldn't help myself. With trembling hands I reached for the bag, held it to my breast and caressed it, all the time thinking, just one won't hurt, will it? Couldn't I have just one little Nacho Cheese Dorito?

            Who was I kidding? The battle was short, and war was lost before it even began. I couldn't help myself. Already salivating, I ripped the bag open, dug in and munched away to my heart's content. I ended up eating them all, and you know what? They tasted even better than I had remembered. In fact, I'm heading for the store tomorrow to buy another bag, maybe two. I don't care if they aren't good for me, because there's one thing I know for certain- I can quit anytime I want to. In the blink of an eye. Just like before. Probably.